Sara Kirschenbaum
Palm Up
Go back to Writing

The First Lost and Found Piece In The Series

Posted Sunday, Jul 11th, 2010 at 6:02am

A Hypochondriac’s Dream

I practically lived at the camp infirmary. The camp nurse got so tired of me that when my medical moment finally arrived and I broke my toe, she didn’t believe it. Only its knuckle – misshapen to this day - exonerates me.

I didn’t really have an unrealistic understanding of how sick I was. I just wanted the attention.

At eight-years-old my parents had shipped me off to Maine for two months so they could concentrate on their artwork and spend more time in their studios. The nurse was the only one who would touch me – whatever limb it was that was hurting - and look into my eyes, and ask me questions. At night I would wander across the wide field that was the center of camp gatherings, holding my toothbrush, rinse glass, slimy soap box, and smelly washcloth, and stare up at the star-rushed sky that seemed so far away it made me feel more adrift.

I have always liked a doctor’s touch. My pediatrician was Dr. Franklin, a tall kind man with bushy gray eyebrows. During my pediatric exams I enjoyed the clean gentle hands held the stethoscope at mysteriously key places on my back, listening for subtle clues as to how I was doing. I liked when I would sit on the examining table and the doctor would look straight at me with his routinely caring eyes and talk to me. I could feel traces of the raw compassion that had driven him to apply to medical school in the first place.

I even remember my first “internal” exam with Dr. Franklin, with a kind of tenderness. I was twelve years old and at first I felt deeply embarrassed when he told my mother with a momentous tone that it was time for me to have my first pelvic exam. At the time I was basically opposed to anything to do with puberty. (I was quite busy trying to will my hips and breasts to stay small.) But then my mother was sent out of the examining room and he questioned me about matters that my parents had only stiffly ventured. I felt a strange sense of power with my mother vanquished and Dr. Franklin so ready to hear my concerns, perhaps even ones that would implicate my parents. And when it came time for him to do the exam “down there” I was a little shocked that it could be done so blandly, so matter-of-fact. There were no giggles, no shame, no ulterior motives. Its innocence was calming.

I still find doctors singularly innocent. And the one greasy OBGYN who toggled my clitoris like an on/off switch is still overwhelmingly outweighed by the legions who met my body with utopian kindness. There have been ultrasound technicians, phlebotomists, x-ray technicians and internists. They address me with presumed respect and touch me cleanly.

I drive past the hospital to the medical school. I am reporting for work as a pretend patient. I will be testing first year medical school students in their ability to care for me. This is just a temporary job – one afternoon - and this is the first time I have done it. The old medical school building embodies tradition with its tall columns and stone snakes curving around rods of Asclepius. When I find the testing area I see a series of classrooms, each with a corner made up to look like an examining room. It looks like fun to me. There are all sorts of fake patients milling around: authentically elderly people, mothers with newborn babies, and teenagers. One woman and I are to be battered women. The medical students will have three minutes to read our pretend charts and then five minutes to treat us. The Director of Education is there and she interrupts my complimentary lunch to put make-up on me. She begins giving me a whopper black eye and several bruises while I consume my complimentary root beer and roast beef sandwich. She puts a huge bandage over most of my wound just letting the outer purple and red show. The second battered woman comes next and gets, I think, a tidier black eye than mine. We are to work in different rooms and each test twelve groups of first year medical students, four to a group. A licensed social worker will work with each of us, observing and grading the students. The mock patients, including myself, will be grading them as well.

In order to get the two of us battered women, inspired for our roles, the Director of Education jumps onto the examining table and starts sniffling and hemming and hawing about her injuries. “You have to put yourself into it!” she says, momentarily stepping out of character. A real physician in the room demonstrates what the medical students are supposed to do, gently confronting her about how she got hurt and coaxing her to get help. The Director of Education is stubborn though and curls up and puts up a fight. Soon a booming voice comes over the intercom telling the first group of students that they have three minutes to read the charts. They shuffle in the room and on the other side of the curtain that divides us, read my chart.

I can hear the four students whispering frantically between themselves. Myself, I’m getting into my role, touching my bandage gently as if I’m swollen and tender. I run over the details: I’m supposed to say I fell down the stairs… I’m supposed to blame myself for being clumsy. Soon the authoritative voice over the intercom says, “Clinical sessions begin now.”

The curtain is pulled back and a young handsome Asian man in a lab coat steps forward with a concerned look on his face. The three other students settle into chairs to watch. “Mrs. Miller, I have been looking over your chart and I see a few things that concern me. It seems this is you fifth trip to the emergency room in two years…”

I am now Mrs. Miller and I half believe that I am just a klutz. “I am so clumsy!” I say. The concerned doctor in the white lab coat keeps at me, saying that my injury is not consistent with a fall down the stairs. I want to get out of here and just get home with some Tylenol. “Mrs. Miller,” he hammers, “Is someone hurting you at home? If so, we can help you. We can help you to find a safe place for you and your children. Are the children safe? Has your husband ever hit your children?” The medical student is hitting all the right points. I say, “If only I kept the house cleaner, he just hates it when he comes home and everything is a mess. It is so chaotic with the kids and everything.” The student nearly jumps out of his chair, “There is nothing you could do to deserve being hurt! No one deserves to be hurt! Have you ever considered leaving? This is a very serious injury. What might happen next time?! There are safe places you could go.” The intercom interrupts us, and the young student smiles, embarrassed perhaps at his own sincerity. “The Clinical session is now over.”

The three students who did not play the role of doctor now have three minutes to add anything that was forgotten. One smarty-pants reels off an exhaustive list of points that could have been made including questioning whether there is a firearm in the home. When it comes time for me to give my feedback I validate “my doctor” for being so persistent but also add that no one questioned whether I felt safe to go home tonight. Now who is the smarty pants? This is going to be fun.

The afternoon stretches on, a hypochondriac’s dream. Group after group shuffles in, so concerned about my purple bruise, desperate to help me see the light, to see how good and innocent I am. Some of my doctors hold my hand. Some scoot their chairs closer to me. Some give me little cards with numbers of battered women shelters. As first year students, their compassion is fresh, untested. In the last group, a woman squeezes my hand, looks deep into my eyes and tells me it is not my fault. She repeats it over and over like a mantra: not your fault, not your fault." I look back at her and see she is starting to cry with water pooling in her eyelids. “You are good,” she tells me, holding my hand tenderly in both of hers, “You are good and you are not alone. I am here with you.”

The loudspeaker interrupts: “The final Clinical session is now over.”

But it’s okay. Hypochondriac, I am cured.

152 comments

  1. yeezy Wrote on Friday, Jul 21st, 2023 at 12:35am

    I am only commenting to let you understand of the brilliant encounter my wife's child developed reading the blog. She picked up many pieces, most notably what it's like to possess an incredible helping nature to get others without hassle comprehend a number of problematic issues. You really did more than my expected results. Thanks for displaying these powerful, healthy, informative and fun guidance on the topic to Julie.

  2. supreme hoodie Wrote on Friday, Jul 21st, 2023 at 7:31pm

    I as well as my pals were reading the nice advice found on your web page while then got an awful suspicion I had not expressed respect to the site owner for those strategies. Those women ended up as a result happy to read them and have in effect seriously been having fun with them. Appreciation for getting very thoughtful and for figuring out certain excellent guides most people are really wanting to discover. My very own honest apologies for not saying thanks to earlier.

  3. platform golden goose Wrote on Saturday, Jul 22nd, 2023 at 7:17am

    I discovered your weblog web site on google and test a few of your early posts. Continue to keep up the very good operate. I simply additional up your RSS feed to my MSN Information Reader. Seeking forward to studying more from you in a while!?

  4. curry shoes Wrote on Saturday, Jul 22nd, 2023 at 1:44pm

    Thanks a lot for providing individuals with an extremely breathtaking possiblity to read articles and blog posts from this web site. It is always very great and also packed with a lot of fun for me and my office mates to visit your blog more than three times in a week to find out the new things you have. Of course, I'm just usually fulfilled concerning the magnificent principles you serve. Selected two tips on this page are in truth the most beneficial we've ever had.

  5. supreme hoodie Wrote on Sunday, Jul 23rd, 2023 at 8:11am

    I wanted to create you the little bit of observation just to thank you very much yet again for your personal splendid suggestions you've discussed in this article. It is really shockingly generous of people like you to allow freely exactly what many of us could possibly have made available as an ebook to end up making some bucks for their own end, even more so now that you might well have tried it if you decided. These strategies additionally acted as the great way to be sure that other people online have similar dreams much like my own to know more and more when it comes to this matter. I'm sure there are lots of more enjoyable sessions ahead for people who examine your site.

  6. supreme clothing Wrote on Monday, Jul 24th, 2023 at 2:33am

    Thanks a lot for giving everyone such a terrific chance to read in detail from this blog. It is usually so superb and jam-packed with a lot of fun for me personally and my office mates to visit the blog particularly 3 times per week to find out the latest secrets you have got. Of course, I am just certainly satisfied with all the mind-boggling methods you serve. Certain 1 points on this page are in fact the most beneficial I have ever had.

  7. kd shoes Wrote on Monday, Jul 24th, 2023 at 9:03pm

    I wanted to compose you that little bit of word to say thanks a lot the moment again regarding the remarkable guidelines you have shared on this page. This is seriously open-handed of you to make without restraint precisely what a few individuals might have distributed for an electronic book to make some bucks for themselves, most notably since you could have tried it in the event you wanted. The pointers as well served to be the fantastic way to realize that other people have the identical dreams really like my own to grasp a lot more with regard to this issue. I believe there are lots of more fun occasions up front for those who find out your blog post.

  8. a bathing ape Wrote on Tuesday, Jul 25th, 2023 at 3:21pm

    I wish to show some appreciation to this writer just for rescuing me from such a circumstance. Because of looking through the search engines and coming across principles which were not beneficial, I figured my entire life was done. Living minus the solutions to the issues you have solved all through your entire short post is a crucial case, as well as the ones that could have in a wrong way affected my career if I hadn't noticed your web blog. Your actual training and kindness in controlling all the details was useful. I'm not sure what I would've done if I hadn't come upon such a stuff like this. I can also at this moment look ahead to my future. Thank you so much for your expert and results-oriented guide. I won't hesitate to suggest the sites to any individual who needs guidelines on this area.

  9. off white Wrote on Wednesday, Jul 26th, 2023 at 9:06am

    I intended to send you that very small observation so as to thank you so much as before for all the awesome tricks you have shared at this time. It has been simply shockingly generous of people like you to offer easily all that a number of us would've distributed as an e book in order to make some cash for themselves, most importantly given that you could possibly have tried it in the event you wanted. These smart ideas additionally acted like the easy way to be aware that other people have the identical eagerness the same as mine to see good deal more on the topic of this problem. I'm sure there are many more enjoyable moments ahead for many who go through your blog post.

  10. mens golden goose Wrote on Wednesday, Jul 26th, 2023 at 6:17pm

    An fascinating dialogue is price comment. I feel that you must write more on this matter, it might not be a taboo topic however typically people are not sufficient to talk on such topics. To the next. Cheers

  11. supreme clothing Wrote on Thursday, Jul 27th, 2023 at 2:58am

    I'm writing to make you be aware of what a extraordinary experience my friend's girl experienced going through your blog. She mastered such a lot of issues, which include what it's like to possess a very effective giving style to get most people clearly have an understanding of specific hard to do matters. You undoubtedly did more than my desires. Thank you for providing such essential, healthy, explanatory not to mention fun guidance on your topic to Lizeth.

  12. a bathing ape Wrote on Thursday, Jul 27th, 2023 at 10:01pm

    My wife and i were comfortable John could finish up his analysis with the precious recommendations he acquired out of your web page. It is now and again perplexing to just choose to be releasing things that many people might have been trying to sell. And now we keep in mind we now have the website owner to thank for that. These illustrations you made, the easy web site menu, the relationships you can make it possible to engender - it's got most sensational, and it's making our son and our family believe that the concept is excellent, which is unbelievably pressing. Thank you for all the pieces!

  13. kobe Wrote on Friday, Jul 28th, 2023 at 7:57pm

    http://www.ruanyifeng.com/blog/2019/11/andrew-yang.html

  14. golden goose dupes Wrote on Sunday, Jul 30th, 2023 at 2:31am

    I used to be very happy to search out this web-site.I wanted to thanks to your time for this glorious read!! I definitely enjoying each little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to take a look at new stuff you blog post.

  15. bapesta shoes Wrote on Sunday, Jul 30th, 2023 at 8:28am

    http://eurasia-studies.gr/index.php/component/k2/item/2-type-makes-a-difference-an-exploration-of-type-focused-websites?start=40

  16. kyrie shoes Wrote on Monday, Jul 31st, 2023 at 2:31am

    http://www.lpg1.go.th/Webboard/index.php?module=viewboard&id=714

  17. yeezy shoes Wrote on Monday, Jul 31st, 2023 at 8:57pm

    http://starvoyage.co.th/ukraine-marriage-29/ukraine-marriage-23

  18. Travis Scott Jordan Wrote on Tuesday, Aug 01st, 2023 at 2:16pm

    http://demo.avantgardia.com/newspeak/car-manufacturing-hits-reverse-gear/

  19. off white outlet Wrote on Wednesday, Aug 02nd, 2023 at 6:35am

    http://kamadobono.se/se/component/k2/item/38?limit=10&start=10

  20. supreme new york Wrote on Thursday, Aug 03rd, 2023 at 12:31am

    http://bigkarl.ru/forum/danielclups/

  21. golden goose sneakers Wrote on Thursday, Aug 03rd, 2023 at 2:09am

    There are definitely a variety of details like that to take into consideration. That may be a great point to bring up. I supply the thoughts above as basic inspiration but clearly there are questions just like the one you bring up the place a very powerful thing will be working in honest good faith. I don?t know if finest practices have emerged around issues like that, but I am sure that your job is clearly recognized as a good game. Each girls and boys really feel the affect of just a second抯 pleasure, for the rest of their lives.

  22. bapesta Wrote on Thursday, Aug 03rd, 2023 at 7:38pm

    http://athosport.com/topic/cheap-jordans-for-sale/

  23. kyrie irving Wrote on Friday, Aug 04th, 2023 at 12:28pm

    http://www.gxkl.com/plus/guestbook.php?gotopagerank=&totalresult=23911&pageno=2180

  24. yeezy outlet Wrote on Saturday, Aug 05th, 2023 at 6:09am

    http://financialnewsguru.com/spooked-global-funds-drive-up-cash-and-bond-holdings-by-reuters/

  25. chrome hearts Wrote on Sunday, Aug 06th, 2023 at 9:10am

    http://prometey.at.ua/photo/5-0-216

  26. golden goose Wrote on Monday, Aug 07th, 2023 at 5:19am

    http://matteopro.com/lettere-dagli-amici/guestbook-amici-e-conoscenti-1.html?start=1800

  27. goyard bag Wrote on Tuesday, Aug 08th, 2023 at 12:17am

    https://cashembrace.com/best-places-to-sell-photos-online/

  28. goyard online store Wrote on Tuesday, Aug 08th, 2023 at 8:22pm

    http://www.showhorsegallery.com/articles/whisper_gets_adopted_by_willie_nelson

  29. supreme clothing Wrote on Wednesday, Aug 09th, 2023 at 5:23pm

    https://github.soeasy.sh/customer-stories/american-airlines

  30. supreme Wrote on Thursday, Aug 10th, 2023 at 4:01pm

    https://saltfirst.com/apps/blog/show/46068532-christmas-campaign-2018?&fw_comments_page=148&fw_comments_order=ASC&siteId=135346088&locale=en-US

  31. supreme Wrote on Friday, Aug 11th, 2023 at 2:54pm

    http://elcomsystem.co.kr/bbs/write.php?w=r&bo_table=counsel&wr_id=5400

  32. birkin bag Wrote on Saturday, Aug 12th, 2023 at 2:19pm

    http://damyangjeon.co.kr/board/bbs/board.php?bo_table=free&wr_id=65016

  33. assignment help Wrote on Sunday, Aug 13th, 2023 at 10:13am

    Actually when someone doesn't be aware of afterward its up to other visitors that they will help, so here it happens.

  34. cheap jordans Wrote on Sunday, Aug 13th, 2023 at 1:10pm

    https://fisiohorta.com/apps/blog/show/44374686-entrada-2017?&fw_comments_page=16&fw_comments_order=DESC&siteId=133406198&locale=es-es

  35. hermes Wrote on Monday, Aug 14th, 2023 at 9:06pm

    Oh my goodness! an amazing article dude. Thanks Nonetheless I'm experiencing challenge with ur rss . Don抰 know why Unable to subscribe to it. Is there anyone getting similar rss problem? Anybody who is aware of kindly respond. Thnkx

  36. off white jordan 1 Wrote on Tuesday, Aug 15th, 2023 at 1:59pm

    Spot on with this write-up, I actually assume this web site needs far more consideration. I抣l probably be again to learn far more, thanks for that info.

  37. nike sb dunk high Wrote on Wednesday, Aug 16th, 2023 at 6:26am

    This site is mostly a stroll-by for all the data you needed about this and didn抰 know who to ask. Glimpse right here, and you抣l definitely uncover it.

  38. air jordan shoes Wrote on Thursday, Aug 17th, 2023 at 12:51am

    It is best to participate in a contest for the most effective blogs on the web. I'll suggest this site!

  39. goyard outlet Wrote on Friday, Aug 18th, 2023 at 10:52am

    This site can be a stroll-through for all of the info you wanted about this and didn抰 know who to ask. Glimpse here, and also you抣l undoubtedly discover it.

  40. jordan outlet Wrote on Friday, Oct 27th, 2023 at 4:30pm

    Your house is valueble for me. Thanks!?

  41. kd 14 Wrote on Saturday, Oct 28th, 2023 at 7:17am

    I precisely desired to thank you very much all over again. I am not sure the things that I might have accomplished without the type of hints provided by you concerning my concern. It previously was a very troublesome setting for me, but taking a look at the specialized style you dealt with that forced me to weep over happiness. I will be happy for this assistance and trust you recognize what an amazing job you're accomplishing teaching some other people thru your web site. I'm certain you haven't got to know all of us.

  42. yeezy shoes Wrote on Tuesday, Oct 31st, 2023 at 7:46am

    That is the correct blog for anyone who wants to find out about this topic. You realize a lot its virtually onerous to argue with you (not that I really would need匟aHa). You positively put a new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Nice stuff, simply nice!

  43. golden goose Wrote on Wednesday, Nov 01st, 2023 at 4:26am

    I in addition to my buddies have been looking through the best techniques from your site while instantly got a horrible feeling I never expressed respect to you for them. These boys are already for this reason glad to read them and have in effect clearly been making the most of them. We appreciate you simply being really helpful and also for picking varieties of superb topics most people are really desirous to understand about. My honest regret for not expressing gratitude to you sooner.

  44. kyrie 7 Wrote on Wednesday, Nov 01st, 2023 at 9:56am

    It抯 arduous to seek out knowledgeable people on this subject, but you sound like you understand what you抮e speaking about! Thanks

  45. jordan 1 Wrote on Saturday, Nov 04th, 2023 at 9:07pm

    After examine just a few of the blog posts on your website now, and I truly like your manner of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark web site list and can be checking back soon. Pls try my web site as properly and let me know what you think.

  46. off white Wrote on Saturday, Nov 04th, 2023 at 9:51pm

    I precisely wished to say thanks yet again. I'm not certain the things that I would have implemented in the absence of the actual ways revealed by you relating to such a field. It had been the frightful issue for me personally, however , being able to view this specialised tactic you dealt with that made me to cry for gladness. I am thankful for this advice as well as expect you realize what a powerful job you're accomplishing instructing other individuals using your blog. Most probably you've never met all of us.

  47. yeezy boost 700 Wrote on Sunday, Nov 05th, 2023 at 11:55pm

    Aw, this was a really nice post. In idea I want to put in writing like this moreover ?taking time and precise effort to make an excellent article?however what can I say?I procrastinate alot and on no account seem to get one thing done.

  48. jordan shoes Wrote on Tuesday, Nov 07th, 2023 at 1:34am

    It抯 arduous to search out knowledgeable folks on this matter, but you sound like you realize what you抮e speaking about! Thanks

  49. OFF-White Wrote on Wednesday, Nov 08th, 2023 at 12:22am

    you could have an ideal blog here! would you prefer to make some invite posts on my blog?

  50. retro jordans Wrote on Wednesday, Nov 08th, 2023 at 5:32am

    I in addition to my buddies have already been taking note of the nice suggestions found on your web site and then immediately got a horrible suspicion I never expressed respect to the web blog owner for those secrets. All of the women ended up as a consequence joyful to read through them and have in effect actually been taking pleasure in these things. I appreciate you for simply being simply thoughtful and for going for varieties of superior themes millions of individuals are really eager to be informed on. My very own honest regret for not expressing appreciation to you earlier.

Leave a Comment

Fields marked with a * are required